Into the Dark

Sitting here as I am on my deck in the cold dark of this early fall morning, I am made to wonder, am I crazy? I am bundled in a coat, scarf and hat to ward off what must be near freezing temperatures. On top of that I am wrapped in a wool blanket and have a warm cup of tea that I am sure will very soon turn cold. My dog is in the yard, snuffling amongst the fallen leaves, looking for a treat to snack on – deer or rabbit poop is her favorite - but she will make do with a stick. Ugh! As dawn creeps forward, I can begin to make out the outlines of the trees, the maples with their bare branches and colorful leaves scattered about underfoot and the aspens still holding their leaves, quaking as the wind blows through them. I love how the wind gives voice to the trees, pushing them into speaking, swaying back and forth as they “talk.” I can hear cars pushing past, out on the main road, their engine sounds interrupting my soft nature sounds. The birds are waking up, letting their presence be known with their calls. The landscape before me brings a sense of quiet peace. Trees surrounding me, buffering me from the world out there. So yes, in answer to my question, am I crazy? Yes, surely I must be in that I don’t really fit with our fast paced human world. But am I seen as crazy to the wild beings around me? Slowing down as I do to partake in their beauty? No, I don’t think so. I am simply desiring to connect with something of which I am a part. Nature, I believe, holds the keys to bringing great meaning to my life if I simply stop and listen.

So listen I did when the urge to go sit on the deck in the dark came over me this morning. Despite the cold, I wanted to embrace the opportunity. As I see it, spending time in the dark can be a way to deepen your encounter with soul.Your soul resides in darkness, it is unknown, a mystery. It is the true authentic part of you that may have been covered up during all of your years of trying to fit in with those around you. To be pleasing and acceptable, seen as successful or capable. Twisting yourself into literally something you were not went against your soul and left a feeling of dissatisfaction, as though something was missing in your life. Trying to recover those lost parts of yourself can be difficult as it requires you to go against the grain, to leave behind those who see you only one way.

Recovering your soul requires a long hard look into the depths and darkness of yourself which can feel scary. This work is hard because it is difficult to deal with the emotions of having spent time working in an area or being a person that is not really you. Sitting in the dark, really sitting with yourself, will allow the lost pieces of you to resurface and come to light. This is not something that will happen overnight. No, it is a long slow process, brought about by spending time in contemplation and allowing the dark to unleash the real you. Acting on this knowledge then becomes another part of this journey.

So I sit in the dark, and you can too. A great way to start is by sitting outside and spending as much time as possible in true darkness. Open yourself to the dark and pay attention to what comes up for you. The message may be subtle at first but grow as time goes on. Don’t force the process. Just let things unfold and journal about what you notice. You may remember parts of yourself that were long ago discarded that you may want to explore. For me, I am always made to remember my love of biology, the natural sciences that was pushed aside because someone told me I wasn’t good in math, essentially causing me to take a different, less rewarding path. But as time went on, as I moved more toward my authentic self, the natural sciences piece came roaring back, bringing me extreme happiness as I engage with the natural world.

So, go outside into the dark and sit. Pull out your warmest clothes and boots, whatever you need to keep yourself comfortable and let the darkness wash over you, soothing your soul and making many new things feel possible.